By Galena Vaysberg
Grief – after the death of a loved one or pet – comes in many forms. Non death losses, like divorce and estrangement, break ups, job loss, miscarriage or medical diagnosis, count too. These are often referred to as ambiguous losses.
Grief hurts. It does not go through a predictable series of stages, as we once thought. Grief is a reflection of love. It’s what happens when our love has nowhere (physically) to go. We have to feel through it, rather than think through it. Grief can subside, and then suddenly reappear.
Grieving can be looked at as a period of convalescence: a slow, gradual process of healing after injury. There is no universally agreed upon “normal” time limit for this. It takes as long as it takes. And the end result of this journey is hopefully a kind of reconciliation: “Yes. This happened. AND I can continue to live my life each day while I feel this loss.” Both/and. Hence, the pain of grief does not end. Instead, it softens.
Rather than avoiding the hurt or moving too fast through it, both of which can inhibit healing, it may be helpful to engage in memorialization rituals. Depending on the loss and on one’s readiness level, these activities can help us process our feelings, maintain a sense of connection, honor the loved one, and even honor the validity of our own pain. Here are some ideas:
● cemetery visit
● letter writing, rice paper lantern water release
● online memorial page
● tree planting
● candle lighting
● photo board or collage
● “I remember” book
● memory patio stones
● memory tree ornament, key chain, pillowcase
And, finally, in the case of a death loss, it may be particularly helpful to think about how we maintain our bond with this loved one. We may wear an article of clothing or jewelry that belonged to the person. We might reminisce with others who miss them. We may look at photos or videos….because loss does not sever emotional attachment.
Above all, be kind with your grieving self. Be available to sit with and witness the grief of others. Reach out to compassionate people and services. If you are grieving and would like to talk to a therapist who understands, please reach out. Wolcott Counseling & Wellness has therapists ready to meet with you. Call 352-363-1998 to schedule an appointment today. You don’t have to go through this alone.
