Happy Wednesday!
Today’s pod choice is Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard and Monica Padman. Some of you know Dax from the show Parenthood; I know him as Kristin Bell’s husband (she of The Good Place). Armchair Expert “celebrates the messiness of being human.” Each podcast features Shepard and Padman interviewing a celebrity, journalist or an academic, then Monica does a fun post-interview “fact check” on statistics and claims mentioned by the expert guests.
Episode 201, last week’s interview with Glennon Doyle, is fantastic. Glennon was best known as a “Christian mommy blogger” back a decade ago, founded the nonprofit Together Rising, wrote of New York Times bestselling memoirs Carry On, Warrior, Love Warrior, and Untamed (currently all over the best seller lists). A former addict, and mom of 3, she’s now married to Olympian soccer star Abby Wambach. She’s one of the best writers about the extreme messiness of being human and one of my favorite people to read — from her viral post Don’t Carpe Diem back in 2011 to her most recent book Untamed.
Dax and Glennon (and Monica, and Glennon superfan Kristin Bell) discuss how love and control can’t co-exist, disappointing people, the origins of and recovery from bulimia and addiction, forgiveness, sensitivity as a superpower, how sports are a great channel for life lessons and feelings, and all the narratives we live in whether they work for us or not.
They talk about the high stakes of living a life that is true to your soul, restoring your own boundaries, dismantling what no longer works, and burning all the memos we’ve been given about how life is supposed to be.
They look at scarcity mindset vs. abundance mindset. They ask: What’s the difference between being a model for others, an icon — a projection for others– vs. a person living in such a way that gives others permission to live their highest truth and truest life?
Glennon on realizing how closely her daughter watches her to learn how to be a woman in the world:
“I realized I told myself over and over — ‘I’m staying in this marriage for her. But would I want this marriage for her?’ And if I wouldn’t want this marriage for her, why am I modeling for her bad love, and calling it good mothering?”
This message to stay in pain comes from the message, or “memo” as Glennon calls it, that says a good mother is a martyr. She buries her true self and calls it love. All of us get societal memos of varying types, and it’s up to us to think critically rather than just swallow it and bury ourselves if we don’t match the memo.
What does a good parent do? What is selfish? What is honoring?
Which brings to mind one of my favorite quotes by Carl Jung:
“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.”
What a burden, as a child, to believe that you are the reason your parent is slowly dying an unlived life.
How we live our personal lives is both a metaphor for, and makes up the fabric of, our world. Not only is the personal political, the personal is a microcosm of the world we live in.
As you listen to this podcast (and hopefully read Glennon’s book Untamed), think about what memos you’ve been given– both individually and all of us, as a culture, a group, or a subgroup. What burdens did we inherit, what memos have we been given, and what needs to burn?
What life are you creating, what life in you is yet unlived, and what has this time apart taught you to want?
See you Friday…
Be well, wash your hands, and stay connected!
Lisa
