Poetry Monday: 4/13/20
April 13, 2020

In recent years, therapeutic terms like “manipulation,” “gaslighting,” and various diagnostic labels have become part of everyday conversation. While raising awareness about mental health is important, the casual misuse of these terms can dilute their meaning and, more worryingly, endanger others.

The Problem with Mislabeling

When terms like “narcissist” or “gaslighting” are used loosely, they can lose their clinical significance. For example, calling someone a narcissist because they exhibit selfish behavior ignores the complex criteria required for a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Similarly, labeling disagreements or misunderstandings as “gaslighting” can trivialize the serious psychological abuse the term originally described.

This overuse can harm relationships, stigmatize individuals, and prevent people from getting the professional help they need. When diagnostic terms are thrown around carelessly, those truly suffering from mental health issues may feel invalidated or misunderstood. It can also lead to false accusations, damaging trust and communication between people.

How It Endangers Others

Misusing these terms doesn’t just dilute their meaning; it can also endanger others. For example, accusing someone of being manipulative or gaslighting without fully understanding the context can escalate conflicts and create unnecessary hostility. This can result in serious social consequences, from strained relationships to workplace discrimination.

Additionally, the use of terms based in incorrect information can lead to mismanagement of mental health concerns. It is important that the meaning behind words continue to carry their weight and effectively communicate the severity of an experience or situation. This dilution or twisting of terms can prevent someone from accessing the appropriate treatment or support they need.

A Call for Caution and Compassion

As therapists, we advocate for increased awareness and understanding of mental health. Instead of jumping to conclusions or labeling behaviors with clinical terms, let’s promote open, honest communication and encourage people to seek professional guidance when they’re struggling.

By being mindful of our language, we can help preserve the integrity of these important concepts and protect the mental health and well-being of ourselves and others.

_____________

For readers seeking more information or guidance on mental health topics, consider scheduling an appointment with one of our therapists who can provide professional insight tailored to your individual needs. You can book an appointment by calling (352) 363- 1998.

 

What Does Child Abuse Have To Do With Me?

What Does Child Abuse Have To Do With Me?

It’s Child Abuse Awareness Month.   No one likes to think about child abuse.  So we’re largely silent about it.   Which creates a perfect condition for child abuse to thrive and proliferate.  Because abuse of all kinds thrives in silence and darkness.   And the cost...

What We’re Really Talking About (Coercive Control)

What We’re Really Talking About (Coercive Control)

October is "Domestic Violence" Awareness Month. I put "domestic violence" in quotation marks because that's an outdated term that emphasizes the physical violence, and misleads us to think it's only happening in domesticity -- such as in a marriage. There's a better...

How to Spot — and Handle — a Sociopath

How to Spot — and Handle — a Sociopath

This post was originally published on March 2, 2014. Thousands of comments later, I'm still getting emails and calls about it weekly. Given the interest in sociopathy in the news today, I decided to re-publish it here.Ted Bundy. Jeffrey Dahlmer. Danny Rolling. Jim...

Black Lives Matter. Period.

Black Lives Matter. Period.

Some thoughts on the last few weeks. I’ll make the writing short and the recommendations long for further learning, because my thoughts aren't needed here; we need to listen to the voices of people of color. Trauma needs a witness, and I witness with my feelings...

Ithaka…and a turn in the journey.

Ithaka…and a turn in the journey.

“Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to get through this thing called Life.”  — Prince I’m shifting gears from the 3-a-week blogs on poems/pods/books. I’ll keep sharing what I’m leaning into going forward….just not in this same 3x/week form. ...

Book Rec Friday 5/8/20

Book Rec Friday 5/8/20

I think I should rename this regular Friday post: Memoir Recommendation Friday.  Here’s another one: More Myself: A Journey, by Alicia Keys.  Singer and songwriter Alicia Keys takes us through her life from childhood...

Hello All —

Summer temperatures arrived in Florida yesterday. So The Summer Day, by Mary Oliver, feels appropriate. And it’s one of my favorite poems.

I love Mary Oliver’s poetry — nature, personal awareness of ones place in the universe, the right to belong, to make choices, to experience a wake-up call, to think deeply and act on ones own behalf — all of this describes her poetry to me. (Two of my other favorite poems by her are The Journey and Wild Geese — so those may make an appearance here in the future).

The Summer Day
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

Those last 2 lines. Wow.

When I was younger, I used to look at a quote on the wall of my therapist’s office which said something like: “Life. It’s not a dress rehearsal!” This poem makes me remember my gradual waking up to my own life –taking full responsibility for that life — in that office.

And yet…life and it’s busy-ness (and business) can hypnotize us into a daze of time passing and passing…of almost sleepwalking. Of dress-rehearsalizing it.

I don’t know about you, but it feels as if the crazy hamster wheel on which we were all running as fast as we could was a form of living life as a dress rehearsal. When I achieve this goal, then my real life will start. When I get through this tough period, then then life will begin at last.

Having that wheel come to a screeching halt is, among other things, an invitation.

That death and loss have entered our world so unexpectedly, so unwelcomely, is an invitation, too.

These are invitations to consider: what will we now do with our one and only wild, precious life?

I’d love to hear how this poem affects you.

Be well, wash your hands, and stay connected.

Lisa

Author

Lisa Wolcott

Lisa founded Wolcott Counseling & Wellness, LLC to offer the best mental wellness care in North Central Florida and beyond. Licensed in FL and CA, she’s also a clinical supervisor for Master level social workers in Florida. Lisa is a Certified Group Therapist (CGP) through the American Group Psychotherapy Association, and a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator through The Daring Way™ an empirically based training and certification program for helping professionals, based on the research of Dr. Brené Brown. She is also a Gottman Level 1 certified couple’s therapy provider. Lisa has a passion for working with clients affected by intimate partner violence.